Untouchable Memories
by badstorieswrittenbyme
Summary: Touya is torn apart by his feelings for Yuki and he just can't take it anymore. What he wants most is also what he most fears. He wants to be with Yuki. Wants to be with him forever. (angst, slash


Untouchable Memories  
  
a Touya/Yukito shonen-ai songfic by Violet  
  
"Sukiyaki" by a little known group called 4p.m.  
  
I bought their CD at my local used music store for 49 ½ cents so.I thought I might as well get a songfic out of it. They aren't really that bad.Boyz2Men knockoffs.  
  
I still don't know why this song is called "Sukiyaki", but we can't solve all the mysteries of life at once, can we? Speaking of the mysteries of life. if for some reason you object to a tall dark-haired teenager falling in love and breaking the heart of his sweet little boyfriend, i.e. two boys falling in love with angsty type stuff, stop reading now. Please. ::sweatdrops:: No flames.  
  
BTW I know this is pure, useless fluff 'n' angst. So sue me, (Not really please) I like fluff! And angst! Angsty Fluff! Fluffy angst!  
  
It was a long, hot night. You know the kind. A sweaty restless type of night when you roll in bed and can't sleep because every part of your body, including your brain, is tired and bothered and just .hot. Yuki sat at his desk on just such a night, sipping a glass of ice water and just thinking long and hard about everything that happened lately. He glanced around the tiny apartment, eyes resting on the unoccupied bed, on the pictures on the wall, and finally settling on a blue teapot on the counter. "I hate it here," he said out loud to no one. "I have to move."  
  
~It's all because of you, I'm feeling sad and blue  
  
You went away and my life is just a rainy day~  
  
He hadn't always hated it, of course. Those walls once held the lives of two cheerful and happy boys and the entire apartment seemed to glow with their joy. They were independent and they were best friends. The small one had laughed and sang, and each morning they would enjoy a cup of tea together before hurrying off to their classes. They congratulated themselves on moving in together after high school and everything had been perfect until Touya started crying at night. It had surprised Yukito at first. "I'd never seen you cry before. But one night we were laying in our beds." Yuki's voice echoed in the empty rooms. "You said goodnight and I smiled you. "  
  
~ And I love you so, how much you'll never know  
  
You've gone away and left me lonely~  
  
Yuki's smile had disturbed something deep inside the normally stolid Touya and before he could stop it. "You were crying. You, Kinomoto Touya were crying because of me. I asked you what was wrong and you just buried your face in your pillow and told me to leave you alone. I thought that maybe something was bothering you that you felt you couldn't tell me, Touya, so I did the only thing I could do." He explained to the oppressive silence in the room. And like any devoted and worried friend. Yukito responded by being sportive. He did everything he could think of to make Touya feel better and everything just seemed to make him worse. Every soft touch, every kind word made his face sadder. And every morning before classes, they quietly drank their tea, and Yukito never laughed anymore.  
  
~Untouchable memories seem to keep haunting me  
  
love, love so true  
  
that once turned my gray skies blue~  
  
Touya of course felt horrible about the effect his depression was having on his friend. He begged Yuki not to worry, which only made the boy worry even more. He had hurt Yuki. He had taken their friendship, which made them both, so very happy, and selfishly wished for more and it was tormenting them both. He hated himslef for a long time, Touya did, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep from sobbing at night. The question of how Yukito felt was unanswered because Touya was afraid to ask it, just as Yuki was afraid to hear it. His feelings for Touya, so complicated and tangled, confused him sometimes. He knew he loved Touya very much but as what? A friend? A lover? A soulmate? What? "I only knew I wanted to stay. I needed you and I couldn't imagine being without you.like this." Yuko whispered.  
  
~ But you disappeared, now my eyes are filled with tears  
  
And I'm wishing you were here, with me ~  
  
He had pushed all thoughts about loving Touya away when it happened.  
  
"I thought to myself that the last thing you needed was me chasing you around. So I put all my feelings for you in the back of my mind, and set about the business of helping. We were so foolish." Yuki thought over those days, analyzed every conversation, every glance. "How was I to know you loved me? I never even got a sign until you left." But Yukito was not angry. He preferred to remember Touya for the good moments rather than the bad.  
  
~Soaked with love, are my thoughts of you  
  
Now that you're gone I don't know what to do~  
  
Love that absorbing was heart-wrenching when not returned and Touya couldn't take it anymore. He had gotten up early one morning and penned a note.  
  
Yuki walked over to the bed, reciting the words he knew by heart from that very message.  
  
"Dearest Yukito,  
  
Your hair shines and twinkles when you are in the sun. It's so soft and there's this one piece that constantly falls into your eyes, making my fingers ache to push it back into place. Your eyes shine too, big and that coppery-brown color I've seen only on you. I could live forever in those eyes. They sparkle with life and when I see sadness in your eyes, I can't rest until they smile again. You have kind eyes, Yuki, concerned and gentle eyes. I'm sorry I've made them look so sad lately. I'm sorry that every time I see your sweet face, all I can think of is running my hands over the skin and covering every inch with my kisses. " Yuki's voice broke here but he continued to say the words aloud. "I love you Yukito. I love you and sometimes I lay in my bed and my bones ache and my head aches and my soul aches because you're not mine. Am I scaring you yet? Or had you figured it out? I couldn't help it Yuki. You're perfect. Loveable, sweet, talented, gorgeous.perfect. I'm sorry Yuki. Not for loving you, I'll never be sorry for that, but I am sorry things couldn't be different for us. Remember that. I wish I had the courage to tell you this in person but I don't. Your strong Touya is, in the end, nothing but a coward."  
  
~ If only you were here, you'd wash away my tears  
  
The sun would shine once again, you'd be mine, all mine~  
  
And there was more, scribbled on the bottom of the sheet.  
  
"I had to leave. I went home. Please don't try to contact me. I'm just making you unhappy and I never wanted to do that to you. I just need some time. You're a special person and you don't deserve to be nothing but deliriously happy for the rest of your life and I'm just messing that up, so let me go."  
  
~Well, in reality you and I will never be  
  
Because you took your love away from me~ 


End file.
